The work of parenting is some of the most important work to be done. As parents and caregivers, our jobs directly impact society. We are not only raising our own precious humans. We are helping to create the future artists, leaders, health care providers, and policy makers for the planet. And, we are doing this job in a world that is exceptionally challenging and, often, not supportive. In my psychotherapy practice, I meet parents every day who are determined to effect positive outcomes for their children while managing full time jobs and navigating stressors our own parents never imagined. As a parent, I feel the weight of comparison and untenable standards as I move through this process.

It is no wonder that caregivers are falling short. We are parenting through the complexities of social media, school shootings, COVID, and a nationwide youth mental health crisis. We are parenting in a world where “parenting” has become a verb! Many caregivers are wondering how we will provide a safe and healthy environment for our children or how they will afford college or independent living. No matter our SES, parents are exhausted and burned out. And, in most cases, we are neglecting our own mental health.

On August 28, 2024 the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services released a report from our Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy. This reported detailed an Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. This national advisory presented concerns about the extreme stressors of parenting and how parents are negatively impacted by their very role as caregivers. It offers a public statement about this health crisis and supportive research and actionable recommendations.

The Department of Health and Human Services report
https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html

This advisory was also shared in the October 9, 2024 New York Times podcast, The Daily. In the episode, The Parents Aren’t All Right, the advisory and it’s ramifications were discussed.

The Daily episode, The Parents Aren’t All Right;
https://youtu.be/7Z1_xhlE-Rw

As a parent and a clinician who works with caregivers, I found this information to be both validating and frightening. Part of me wanted to teleport back to the mid 70’s and trade my parenting worries for those of my own parents. Being a parent in any generation means to have stress. In our current state, the stakes are higher and the pressures tremendous.

The Surgeon General’s Advisory examines these stressors. The advisory identifies finances, increased time demands, child health and safety, parental isolation, technology and social media, and cultural expectations as our biggest challenges to parenting. I do not believe that a parent would read this list be surprised. I do believe that caregivers would be surprised at how their own mental health impacts their children. In my job, I frequently see parent burnout. In fact, it is not uncommon for me to recommend that parents seek their own therapy or additional supports.

Research tells us that the mental health conditions of parents directly impact the well being of children. We know that poor mental health of either parent places a child at risk. If we value the job of parenting, we must value the mental health of parents. In it’s advisory, the Surgeon General recommends the following…

• We must recognize and respect the value of rasing children.
• While parents have primary responsibility for raising children, this is a collective responsibility that should be supported by policy and community.
• We need to acknowledge and talk openly about the stresses of caregiving and parenting.
• We must foster connections among parents and caregivers.

It is encouraging that our government is recognizing this health crisis and recommending changes at the policy level. But, as parents know, we are the engines that run our households. And, as in most cases, the work starts with us. We must talk about our stresses and create support systems. We must enlist coaches, teachers, mentors, neighbors, school counselors, and youth leaders. These relationships, along with other parents and extended family members are crucial to our children and our own mental health.